I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
