Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize