I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
