he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
