apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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