oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
