I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
