I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
