You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
