I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
