So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
