Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
