The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
