what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
