It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
