is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
