I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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