Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize