So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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