Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
