True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Randomize
