drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
