Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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