SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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