I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He? As in you personified your dick?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
