I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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