I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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