I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
