Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Randomize
