you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
