i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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