She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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