no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
