dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Congratulations! We have a period
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
