u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize