Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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