why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
