you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
