i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
