Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
