he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
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