my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Rumble strips road head = magical
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
