1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
