Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
