They should really pass out barf bags in church
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
