She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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