Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
