honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Are we in a gay sports bar?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
