this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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