Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize