from now on my penis is your penis
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
