Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
send nudes
from the living room?
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