I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
