I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You made out with two different species that night
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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