CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
