whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
