just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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