I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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