Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
