We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
