ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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