i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
