my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
