My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize