So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
