dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
