I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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