My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
